Author Archive: Samuel Avondo

About Samuel Avondo

I, Samuel Avondo, am a classical man-boy-child with classical interests such as unorthodox (never mind the not-actually-oxymoronic-but-still-oxymoronic juxtaposition) comedy not suited for adults nor children, satirical reports on current events and methods of entertainment that some people in isolated towns still have a strange hate towards despite knowing nothing about. I'm well-versed in writing and know enough about Lovecraftian lore to make people uncomfortable. I also know my way around the thinking man’s humor, and don’t rely on random to incite a reaction of surprise in a person’s brain and force them to laugh. I have written for this publication previously on a number of times, and whilst I don’t view this personal essay as particularly groundbreaking with the information it betrays should it be read by people I tend to talk to or those that have read my “work” before, it was a requirement for this application I was required to fill out. I also happen to support equality for anyone and could be considered an existential nihilist so far as my philosophies on life are concerned. I’ve read many books, books of all kinds from satirical memoirs to books with compelling narratives. I tend to be hopelessly pessimistic yet opportunistically optimistic (more oxymoron for all!) and tend to be about as energetic with my writing as a sloth, making this surprisingly upbeat piece a strange anomaly in an otherwise calm vale of shadow.

Organized Madness #4

To preface this, I will say that having topics prepared is a wonderful blessing that you should never take for granted.

I assume that anyone here reading this was looking for it specifically and has lamented its absence in recent times, though what strange tastes one would have to have to seek out this kind of insanity that I spew forth from my maw atop this digital soapbox of mine I haven’t the foggiest, seeing as how I, the creator of this contemptible amalgamation of words that vaguely make sense when put together and at the same time end up frighteningly close to pure madness that is being referred to as an “article,” to the insult of the word article, and even the idea of an article, hold this manuscript of insanity in the highest orders of contempt, and always regard it with complete disdain for its sporadic and unpredictable, yet wholly predictable, oxymoronic and occasionally outright hypocritical assemblage of words and phrases that it molds around “news stories” and injects with purified filler. (more…)

Organized Madness #3

Written: 10-12/16

To preface this, I shall say that the time is nearly upon us. I can see that you’re reading this again (I actually can’t, but the-lord-that-should-not-be can). And as such, I have concluded that you are here to read another piece of contemptible reporting and borderline cultist propaganda. So I stand here on my digital soapbox to regale you with the tales and adventures of our school. And so, I issue you a welcome to the zanier side of the newspaper. Where the sarcasm flows like rivers. (more…)

Organized Madness #2

Written: 9-29/16

To preface this, I will say it once again (as I did at some point in the last 12 lunar cycles) that I do not have a strange, unnatural inclination towards, nor fixation/obsession with, parentheses. I see you’re here again, reading this. Or maybe you’re new and don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. Both of which are good. In either case, welcome. Welcome to the zanier side of the newspaper, where the sarcasm flows like rivers. (more…)