Festive Sarcastic Advice

Sarcastic Advice

Why red and green why not purple and orange.

A bunch of religious reasons, but to avoid that sensitive topic, it is because Santa’s suit is red and the Christmas tree is green.

I am deciding to become a Christmas tree. Where should I begin?

First, you will need someone to stand by so that they can decorate you when you’re done.Next tape pine needles to your skin so that they can continue to grow. Then stand in one place wait to grow roots. Are you kidding? I’m sorry (not) for crushing your dreams, but you can’t become a Christmas tree.

How am I supposed to thank my relatives for stuff I didn’t even want?

It’s easy! Just think of burning it and you can smile happily and say thanks!

What do you do when you get a present you absolutely hate?

You re-gift it of course!

How do I know if my presents have been regifted.

If it’s a present you absolutely hate.

Ok so I cant draw because of an injurey and That is all i do for christmas presents. So what do I make for people?

Probably something they will actually want.

Can we do Christmas potatoes instead of Christmas trees?
-Sasha Reiner

Way ahead of you:

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How do you avoid all Christmas Music without looking like a Christmas Grinch?

Play Hanukkah music.

I don’t know what to get my dad for Christmas, and he won’t say anything about what he wants. He likes tools and stuff like that, what could I get him?

Umm maybe a tool box, no a tool shed, no a toolhouse, no a tool mansion, no a tool skyscraper, no a tool city, no a tool state, no a tool country, no a tool continent, no a tool planet, no a tool solar system, no a tool galaxy, no a tool nebula! Nah, a tool box should be fine.

Who’s Santa?

He is a fat thousand old man that stalks you and on one night a year he breaks into your house, eats your food, then leaves ugly Christmas sweaters with his face on them that are wrapped with a metric ton of Christmas themed wrapping paper that you are forced to open the morning after, leaving a lot of unnecessary trash.  So in summary, a pretty cool dude.

What should I get my very sarcastic friend for christmas?

Your unconditional friendship. I’m sure they will love that.

is wearing my Santa hat backwards cool?

A Santa hat is just round. A Santa hat backward is just a Santa hat.

How do I capture Santa?  Can I drug the reindeer so that they cannot fly away?

They will still fly. FUI (Flying under the influence) is a very serious issue and puts multiple people in danger. It is a serious issue. Do not FUI.

There are no puffins on your survey banner

FIGHT FOR PUFFIN EQUALITY. VIVA LA RЀVOLUTION DE MACAREUX

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Comments (2)

  1. Spider!!!!!!!!

    “VIVA LA RЀVOLUTION DE MACAREUX”???

    Reply
  2. Your name*

    Santa, not “Satna”

    Reply

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