Cancer (June 21 to July 22): Keep your friends close and your enemies closer
Leo (July 23 to Aug 22): Riches are coming your way! But where there is good there is always bad…
Virgo (Aug 23 to Sept 22): You might have a friend that is being a complete idiot and a jerk… and a butt… and just… y’know, but they DIDN’T MEAN IT OKAY JUST FORGIVE THEM. THEY SAID THEY WERE SORRY!!!
Libra (Sep 23 to Oct 23): Stop, Get some help
Scorpio (Oct 24 to Nov 22): Watch your back and stop trying to pick fights man. You aren’t gonna win. Just no. Stop.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 to Dec 21): If you gain anything, make sure you share. Karma man. Hand over that Halloween candy. Now.
Capricorn (Dec 22 to Jan 19): Keep being crazy.
Aquarius (Jan 20 to Feb 19): Stop saying and doing mean things, people have feelings (EVEN IF THEY ARE COMPLETE JERKS).
Pisces (Feb 20 to March 20): You aren’t more special than the next kid, stop being so rude.
Aries (March 21 to April 19): IT’S JUST A PHASE JIMMY.
Taurus (April 21 to May 20): Don’t lose your legs.
Gemini (May 21 to June 20): Step up your game. Stop assuming genders.