Sarcastic Advice: Debates

Sarcastic Debates

Cats or dogs?

Penguin: Clearly a cat hypnotized to think it’s a dog. Small and fluffy, but is still happy when you come home and will play fetch.

Puffin: Puffins.

Is Santa real? If so, what is valid proof that he exists. (Not just because your parents said he exists)

Penguin: Ummmm proof is that he um. I’m not gonna even try, SANTA MAKES NO SENSE! IF HIS WHOLE THING IS BEING FAT AND JOLLY THEN HOW CAN HE FIT DOWN SOMEONE’S CHIMNEY??? AND WHAT IF SOMEONE LIVES IN AN APARTMENT??? DO THEY JUST NOT GET CHRISTMAS BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE A CHIMNEY??? AND THERE IS NO WAY THAT HE COULD TRAVEL THE ENTIRE WORLD IN ONE NIGHT BECAUSE WHEN IT’S NIGHT HERE IN THE U.S. IT’S DAYTIME ACROSS THE WORLD!! SO IF HE WERE TO TRAVEL WITH THE DARKNESS (which would be creepy by the way) IT WOULD STILL BE AT LEAST 24 HOURS! MAYBE MORE!

Puffin: What do you mean no way to make it around the world in one night? He flies! Something you wouldn’t understand!

 

If someone is on this form isn’t it self explanatory that that person needs advice? Now, the debate is: is clicking the “Yes, I do need advice button” necessary? To be honest it seems a bit redundant.

Penguin: Excuse me the button is just “Yes” the question is “Do you need advice?” And yes it is very necessary. In fact, I’m adding a second one next form IT IS NOT REDUNDANT IT IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE FORM!

Puffin: Does it matter? I’ll be taking over anyway.

 

The sarcastic P(error) is my favorite!

Penguin: Clearly this person meant to say the Sarcastic Polar Bear (woooaaahhh foreshadowing???)

Puffin: Why would it be a Polar bear? It’s Puffin because there are five letters in “error,” and five letters in puffin, not including the letter “p”.

 

Route or route?

Penguin: Route is obviously pronounced “route”. Not “route,” that would be just ridiculous.

Puffin: Road.

 

Coke or Pepsi?

Penguin: Coke! Duh! Does anyone prefer Pepsi at all??

Puffin: Pepsi! No one ever shares a coke with me.

 

What came first the chicken or the egg?

Penguin: The Pterodactyl.

Puffin: The world.

 

All my friends bully me because I pronounce GIF as “jif” instead of “gif” with a hard g sound. What are your opinions, and how do I deal with the hate?

Penguin: You suck it up because you are clearly wrong! IT’S GRAPHIC INTERCHANGE FORMAT NOT A PEANUT BUTTER BRAND!

Puffin: Food was mentioned…

 

If you could only bring three things onto an uninhabited island in the middle of nowhere, what would you bring? (Note: boats, rafts, giant pirate ships inhabited by thousands of evil coconuts, and other marine transportation methods are not acceptable)

Penguin: The 2002 Rick Astley Greatest hits Album, one of those little ball mazes that you turn them to solve, and a volleyball with a face on it named Wilson.

Puffin:  A pop-up book collection, All my friends most embarrassing moments caught on tape, and 4,826 cats. (Only 4,826?)

 

Harry Potter or Twilight?

Penguin: There was another option but it wasn’t even worth including. The answer is Harry Potter. Duh.

Puffin: For once I have to agree with the Penguin. The second option will never be worth mentioning.

 

Superman or Batman?

Penguin: Superbatman

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Puffin: Puffin man

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Which season is the best?

Penguin: Of what show? Usually, the second season is the best since the writers learned from the mistakes of the first season and had it evolve.

Puffin: Season 1 because that’s when everyone knows about the dramatic backstories, and how the characters meet.

Penguin: Oh wait you meant like the weather.

 

Bottled water or tap water?

Penguin: Neither, ocean water.

Puffin: Bottled tap water

 

Star Wars or Star Trek?

Penguin: One is an indisputable classic that will live on for generations everywhere and the other is Star Trek.

Puffin: Stars having wars sounds like it would be interesting to watch.

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