Sarcastic Advice: Mystical Edition

Sarcastic Advice

How do I keep my magic a secret?
Puffin: Publicly use them.
Penguin: Use your magic to make them forget you have magic. If someone sees you use magic then, do the same thing. Repeat until no one knows.

WHAT DO YOU DO IF A UNICORN IS CHASING YOU…
Puffin: Skip. If it sees you skipping it will assume that you are also a unicorn. [duh]
Penguin: Start chasing it. It won’t see the plot twist coming and will be scared and run away.

if you’re a penguin than I must be a dragon?
Puffin: Who said I was a penguin?
Penguin: Who said I was a penguin? Oh yeah… right…

Is Dumbledore still alive?
Puffin: Yes. Of course. Still alive.I didn’t disguise myself as Snape and kill him. Nope. He is definitely
Alive. (I’m sorry Harry it was for the best)
Penguin: Nope he is not. What? I don’t care about spoilers! HALF BLOOD PRINCE HAS BEEN OUT FOR
8 YEARS IT’S YOUR PROBLEM IF YOU HAVEN’T READ IT.

How do I keep the magic alive in my life?
Puffin: Kill it! That will keep it alive for sure.
Penguin: Keep the magic dead in other people’s lives so there is more magic for your life.

When will NEAAAT get a king, queen and a pet griffon
Puffin: Well I guess it’s time to reveal myself. I Sir Puffin, the great, am your ruler. I know shocking, please hold the applause.
Penguin: Yes, hold the applause, because the Puffin is a fake! I am the true king of NEAAAT!

What happens if I glue bat wings to a lizard
Puffin: This:

screenshot-2017-04-12-at-9-28-32-pm

Penguin: More like this:

screenshot-2017-04-12-at-9-28-54-pm

Isn’t it hideous?

Do the artic animals have magic powers and/or abilities?
Puffin: Well I can fly, I don’t know about the other guy.
Penguin: I have the ability to be funny. OHHH ROASTED.

I am more asking a question: why did you choose sarcastic Penguin and Puffin and what is their story?
Puffin: Because the Sarcastic Penguin didn’t like my first choice.
Penguin: I choose penguin because penguins are a perfect mix of awesomeness and slight arrogance which perfectly describes me.

To Penguin: If you could fly like your little puffin child would you?
To Puffin: If you could take your Penguin dad’s job would you?
To Both: Can you read this? Pfunifs devesre mroe lvoe tahn Pnguenis.
Puffin: 1. Who said that useless bird was my dad? How could I be related to a bird who can’t fly? 2. Yes, I would take the job. As my motto clearly states “today the newspaper, tomorrow the world”® 3.Thank you for your agreeing with me.Why does everyone love a bird who can’t fly?Just because his kind can swim….has really cool yellow feathers. So? I can fly.
Penguin: To the first question: Oh gosh no. Then I would lose my amazing ability to swim underwater for a while. To the one addressed to the two of us: How about we are all equal like where puffins have fewer rights than penguins. Equality….

What’s your favorite mythical animal?
Penguin: I personally love the penguin because clearly, they are too great to be real.
Puffin: Well if you’re not real then I guess I will have no choice, but to take over.
Penguin: NOT WHAT I MEANT

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