Sarcastic Advice: Now With 10% More Sarcasm

Sarcastic advice

dOeS tHiS bOtHeR yOu?

Penguin: OnLy BeCaUsE yOu DiDn’T sTaRt WiTh A cApItAl LeTtEr…

Puffin: DoEs ThIs BoThEr YoU?

I need to disown a person. How do i do it easily.

Penguin: Alright so you talk to your apprentice, I mean child, and tell them that they are no longer allowed to help you with Sarcastic Advice, I mean no longer allowed to be your child.

Puffin: Meet with your mentor, I mean parent, and tell them that you no longer want to help with advice, I mean be their kid.


Why are you a Penguin and Puffin?

Penguin: I’m the Penguin because a Penguin is my favorite animal.

Puffin: I am the Puffin because the penguin didn’t like my favorite animal.


What do I do if I am drowning in work?

Penguin: Anything but do the work. Because that definitely won’t help…

Puffin: Learn to swim.


What is the meaning of life?

Penguin: 42.

Puffin: The opposite of the meaning of death


Are you afraid about the new member of the sarcastic society in the school newspaper?

Penguin: Who? The Puffin? I’m afraid of their grammar that I constantly need to correct.



u disruptin my englsh class wit ur dum form

Penguin: Oh god you really need that class. Please, PLEASE, pay attention…

Puffin: Well I’m sure you don’t need that class any way you spelled “my” “class” and “form” correctly.


I think this guy I’ve been seeing blocked me on instagram, but that doesn’t make sense because we still talk all the time and we have a date this weekend??

Penguin: I’m not a dating expert, but I’m 99% sure you do not have a date this weekend anymore.

Puffin: The first step to solving this problem is to find someone who gives actual advice.


I don’t have anyone to go to formal with. Do you have a formal date? I’m asking for a friend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

Penguin: There’s another one?

Puffin: No, Staying at home in my pajamas with a cat, some Cheetos, and funny movie sounds way more fun, then dressing up in an itchy, fancy outfit, and being forced to socialize.


woowwww moreeee sarcassssssticcccccc advicccccceeeeee WHAAT a surprise!

Penguin: Ha. I see what you did there. SOOOOOOOO smart!

Puffin: Capitalize the “w”.

What do you look like?

Puffin: I look like a puffin.

Penguin: I look like a penguin.


How come sarcastic puffin doesn’t get much of the spotlight? It’s just mostly sarcastic penguin giving the advice.

Puffin: It’s time I got the recognition i deserve. I do just as much as that useless bird, if not more.

Penguin: At least I capitalize my “I”.  Also, I was the original sooooooooo.


im wathcing uuuu

Puffin: Is that a new show?

Penguin: That would be one disappointing show.


I have a headache You do not care

Puffin: Finally! Someone who understands!

Penguin: Hey, someone gets it!


I need advice.

Puffin: Don’t become a Puffin who anonymously gives out horrible advice.

Penguin: Become a Penguin who anonymously gives out horrible advice. Much better role model.


Theres this really mean advice form that keeps making fun of my questions. How do i cope with this?

Puffin: Don’t ask them questions.They can’t make fun of what isn’t there.

Penguin: HA! You didn’t capitalize “I”!


I have one piece of chocolate cake. Do I eat it for breakfast and have a positive start to my day or eat it when I get home from school so I have something to look forward to? This is an urgent issue, please send help.

Penguin: EXCELLENT QUESTION! Asking about the important stuff here. Anyways, you should eat it in the morning then, in the afternoon, get in your time machine, go back to before you ate it, take that piece of cake, and eat it. Sure you might create a time paradox, but hey you just made one piece of cake two.

Puffin: Finally a Question worth answering! Give the slice to me.Then you will no longer have to decide

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  1. InyaPistachio



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