Sarcastic Advice™

Sarcastic Advice™

By: Sarcastic Penguin and Sarcastic Puffin

Why do I feel like nobody listens to what I say.

               What was that? Sorry I wasn’t listening.

What’s a good Halloween costume.

Your face will do just fine. Or like a ghost or something.

I forgot the password. What is the password? PLEASE TELL ME THE PASSWORD

          Incorrect password, try again.

I don’t like somebody, and she is constantly trying to be my friend. She is not picking up the memo that I am over it, and done giving her second chances, I blocked her via text/facetime/call and all social media I have. She just refuses to quit. ~Sarcastic Monkey

First off you can not use the term Sarcastic™ (insert animal here) it is trademarked. Second I really do not care about your plight since you attempted to steal my trademark™.

Why are you like this.

Maybe it’s natural, maybe its maybelline.

I was asked out on a date, but haven’t been given specific guidelines and now I’m being ghosted… WHAT?

              My thoughts exactly.


My friend doesn’t think she can draw, yet I tell her she can. What’s some perfectly sarcastic advice to let her know she’s good?

             You could pretend to lift a glass and say “here is to the worst liar ever.”

If a cucumber is round, does that mean it’s a vegetable?

Are those… related in any way? I mean, broccoli isn’t round, um… nevermind.

I feel like all my friends secretly hate me. How can I know for sure?

You need to make them hate you. You need to be the worst friend ever. Then you know for a fact, they do hate you! Problem solved.

I don’t like Halloween because I hate scary stuff

You also then probably won’t like the presidential election…

My friend from another school likes a boy and he likes her back. But there is a crazy ex of him that hates her. Do you think that they should go out?

This is when one of my famous quotes would be useful. Ahem…

“Who Cares”™ Sarcastic™ Penguin™

I need advice on how to handle all the stress of this school

Food usually works for me.

How do I regain motivation to finish things?

   You don’t.       

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