Once upon a time, there was a mini wheat. Yes, like the cereal. Just a normal, old mini wheat. One day he was out for a walk and he saw a frosted mini wheat. He had rarely seen one before so he thought, “How can i become that great?” So he asked, to which the frosted mini wheat replied, “I fasted for a day.” He thought, “Oh, okay, I can do that.” So he did, and he became a frosted mini wheat.

He got a raise at his job and everything was overall better. Life was going pretty great for him. But one day while he was out shopping, he met a blueberry frosted mini wheat. “Wow, that guy is so much better than me… How can I be like that?” So he asked the blueberry mini wheat about his accomplishments. The blueberry mini wheat replied, “I fasted for three days.” Three days was a bit more difficult, but our little frosted mini did it and became a blueberry frosted mini wheat. He got a promotion at his job, he makes a bunch of money by now, and even has a new girlfriend. But one day he was making his way downtown, he saw a strawberry frosted mini wheat, to which he said “How did you become so successful?” to which the strawberry frosted mini wheat replied, “I fasted for a week.” He was slightly startled by this response because, I mean, a week… But he did it anyway and became a strawberry frosted mini wheat. He has gotten another raise at his job and dumped his girlfriend(she’s only a frosted mini wheat, who cares about her). But as fate would have it, he saw a chocolate mini wheat in a magazine! He wanted to know how this chocolate mini wheat became so famous. So he tracked him down and asked him, to which the chocolate mini wheat answered wholeheartedly, “I fasted for a straight month.” Our little strawberry frosted mini wheat was feeling ambitious, so he fasted for a month and became a chocolate mini wheat. Now he’s rich and famous, owns a mansion, and is on the cover of every magazine in town. Then one day as he’s signing autographs for a large crowd around him, he spots an even larger crowd in the distance. When he goes to investigate, he realizes that everyone has crowded around a big wheat. He thought, “Big wheats ought to be top notch, aren’t they?” and finally got the big wheats attention. The big wheat told him, “I fasted for a solid year.” The chocolate mini wheat was taken aback by this. A whole year of not eating was a steep sacrifice, but the chocolate mini wheat didn’t come this far to be second place. So he does it and becomes… A BIG WHEAT. He owns a very large mansion with a completed kitchen, and a bunch of servants. One of his servants, who was a frosted mini wheat, was showing our big wheat around his new skyscraper. “Here we have the bowling alley, movie theater, and oh! Over here is the kitchen!” The butler says, “So you’ve got a line for everything! A waffle line, a pancake line, a burger line, a-” to which the big wheat interrupted with, “Is there punch? I like punch. It reminds me of all the flavors I went through to get here today.” The servant shook his head and said, “Sorry sir, but there is no punchline.


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