Weekly Horoscope! #2 – Apocalypse

Cancer (June 21 to July 22): Get ready for some hate, you will cause something of mass destruction… like a… apocalypse? No one will be on your side in this war.

Leo (July 23 to Aug 22):  They are going to fear you in the apocalypse, be glad you were always courageous , It will pay off.

Virgo (Aug 23 to Sept 22): Try not to over work yourself and stop being afraid that people will make fun of you. You are completely unique and no one can change you. Don’t think so down about yourself, everyone likes you even though you may not see it. (There is no reason to change for others, be yourself, you are truly unique.)

Libra (Sep 23 to Oct 23): Even though your sign means balanced that doesn’t mean you have to be. If people have higher expectations than who you are THEN BE THE BEST YOU EVER WERE BECAUSE IF THERE’S SOMEONE EXACTLY LIKE YOU THAT’S CREEPY AM I RIGHT THE GOVERNMENT ISN’T HIDING ANYTHING!! *nervous laughing*

Scorpio (Oct 24 to Nov 22): Don’t look down on your others, one of them will overcome and stab you in the back. You are not as fierce as you think you are.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 to Dec 21): Even though you look strong you’re really soft inside AND BE PROUD OF YOURSELF JUST IGNORE ALL THE HATERS M’KAY THEY ARE JEALOUS OF HOW COOL YOU ARE! BESIDES YOU ARE GOING TO KILL THEM ALL, IN THE APOC- Oh right I can’t give the full future.

Capricorn (Dec 22 to Jan 19): Y’know… all I have to say for this week is… haters gonna hate, potaters gonna potate.

Aquarius (Jan 20 to Feb 19):Embrace your appearance. You’re not fat and you’re not ugly. Your stretch marks? Scars? Eyes? Smile? Laugh? shape? Beautiful. Stop downing yourself okay? This could be your downfall in the apocalypse

Pisces (Feb 20 to March 20): Keep in touch with family this week, tough times are ahead. You will need someone who understands you. Make sure you have someone you can count on. Someone who won’t turn on you in the apocalypse…

Aries (March 21 to April 20): It not safe in dese w00ds child.

Taurus (April 21 to May 20): In the apocalypse, you are going to have some limb of your body severely injured, most likely your legs. Don’t worry, you can just buy some new ones.

Gemini (May 21 to June 20): You think you like someone..? GO FOR IT! If there is anything you Gemini’s need to know its that you need to MAKE A MOVE QUICKER! You will be much happier once you can have more time with your significant other. You won’t have much time with them when the apocalypse takes them…

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